Monday, January 31, 2011

Terrified Brits Escape From Panda Cheese Crazed Cairo Violence Gangs

Anxious to escape from a terrifying wave of bloody freedom and democracy that the western world has hoped would take hold in the middle east, relieved Britons returned to their socialist paradise early Monday morning with tales of their struggles.

"I hate Iceland!" Some guy shouted at a television reporter at an airport in Scotland last year.

The Foreign Office has upgraded its travel advice from "Eh, whatever" to "Get the hell out! Are you stupid? There's a bloody revolution starting you fucking muppets!" However, they weren't concerned enough about it to start a full evacuation.

Foreign Office minister Alistair Burt did not but might as well have said "If people can get out, by all means they should get out. Nothing is a higher priority than getting out our rich nationals and wealthy foreign investors, because they are the ones that can afford the now grossly inflated ticket prices and frankly they do more to benefit our society than those blood sucking chavs vacationing down there thanks to intricate benefit fraud scams. We'll send some charter flights down for that trash once the Red Sea starts to turn red with their blood and not a moment before. Well, unless a pretty blond girl gets raped and murdered but not a moment before!"

The FCO did want to stress that the resorts outside of Cairo were perfectly safe. not so much the discount ones, but the ones for rich people, those are "probably fine."

PM David Cameron has called for an "orderly transition" of government from an oppressive regime to bloody revolution.

Seven days ago thousands of protesters hopped up on Panda Cheese and a lust for democracy called for President Hosni Mubarak to quit being such an arse and leave power because he's been there for 30 years and he's 82 so he'll probably die soon anyway.

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